Although it did not bring me to a decision, I found it to be a good starting point in assessing whether our values, aspirations, and living situation are conducive to one or more and whether it is something I truly want for myself. But one book cannot provide all the information and answers I am looking for. Next on my list from the library is Beyond One by Jennifer Bingham Hull. And if any of you have other book suggestions or experience-based advice, I welcome it. For, if a 2 1/2 year spacing is as perfect as it is made out, we're running out of time to decide.
Lately I have been asking myself several questions. One? More? Can I handle another? Can we handle another? Will I ever be able to sleep with another? Is that something I want? And on and on. It got to the point where there were too many questions to keep track of and not enough time to do the research online to make an informed decision. Cue a random trip to Barnes & Noble where I chanced upon the book One and Only by Lauren Sandler. As soon as I got home, I reserved the book at my library and picked it up a few days later. Although a bit one-sided, it is full of helpful information for anyone trying to decide if one really is the loneliest number. As an only child herself, Sandler discusses what it is like to be and have an only child. She is overt in her attempt to convince the reader that one child is optimal and, contrary to popular mythology, is not a punishment worse than death for the child or the parents. Financial constraints, extended family support, and environmental impact are just a few of the topics she covers. The research and resources she included helped me realize what kind of family we would need to be in order to have more than one (should we make that decision) without ending up poor and unhappy. In other words, we would need to be thrifty (check), have lots of family close by (hmmm, I'll give this one a half check), and reduce our carbon footprint (we're already working on it).
Although it did not bring me to a decision, I found it to be a good starting point in assessing whether our values, aspirations, and living situation are conducive to one or more and whether it is something I truly want for myself. But one book cannot provide all the information and answers I am looking for. Next on my list from the library is Beyond One by Jennifer Bingham Hull. And if any of you have other book suggestions or experience-based advice, I welcome it. For, if a 2 1/2 year spacing is as perfect as it is made out, we're running out of time to decide.
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Over the weekend we went to a pool party and barbecue at David's sister's house to celebrate the beginning of another school year (she is a teacher, too). The weather was sunny and warm, the house casting enough of a shadow over the pool to make everyone happy. We had brought a couple pool noodles for Goen to play with. Although he had played with them at home in the living room with no problems, he did not like them being in the pool. He pointed and squealed until I got the hint and tossed the noodles out onto the deck. This was only the third time he had been in a pool, so we spent a few minutes helping him get used to it. One of his favorite games at home is when I say," Ready? Set? Go!" and then he jumps off whatever surface he happens to be on. I played this with him off and on the whole time we were in the pool and he loved it. Any time he felt scared to jump, he reached forward to pull my hands closer to his body. He may jump off the bed, couch, and baseboard heaters, but this kid knows his limits.
Goen and I spent the whole time at the shady shallow end of the pool. I would have liked to play around a bit myself, but a mama's job is never over. When the shadows lengthened and it started to turn chilly, the two of us got out, dried, and changed. While everyone else finished swimming, I finished up my massaged salad for dinner (a recipe I will be sharing with you all quite soon). I peeled little cuties to put into the salad, though many segments were diverted to Goen (he loves those things). Dinner preparations proceeded at a leisurely pace. When the eggplant came off the grill, I managed to feed Goen a few pieces before he remembered he doesn't like eggplant. Then the chicken came off and he ate lots of that (dark meat, of course, and pre-chewed). Then he discovered there was cheese on the table, at which point he refused to eat anything other than delicious baby Swiss. We cleaned up and then it was time for dessert. I had made Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies using this recipe (though I did hold back a little on the white sugar), which we paired with ice cream. It was delicious. As the gloaming hour approached, Goen made it clear that he was ready for bed. I ate another bite or two of ice cream (okay, maybe it was three) and then carried all our stuff out to the car while David held Goen. We gave hugs good-bye then loaded ourselves in the car and drove home. It was a fun and relaxing time for all. We were able to forget, for a few hours at least, all the work that still needs to be done in the classroom in preparation for back-to-school night. It was nice to get together with family and enjoy food together. And you know it was a successful get-together when you can't wait for the next one. And I hope the next one comes soon, because Fall is just around the corner. David, Goen, and I went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants last night, a Thai food place with excellent Tom Kha Gai soup. Soon after we sat down, a woman came in with her baby girl, a toddler like Goen , and sat at a table nearby. We did the typical "Oh look, the babies see each other. Hi baby." And then we went back to selecting our meal and the mother did the same. After a moment, I looked over at David. I must have been grinning strangely because he looked back quizzically and asked what I was thinking.
"I just got a crazy idea," I said. "I think we should invite them over to eat with us. Seriously." "Really?" he asked in the tone of voice that says "I'm game." "Then you should invite her." "Okay. But she's ordering now, so I have to wait." But in the time it took for the waiter to take her order, I lost my nerve and said, "You go ask her." So David walked the few feet to her table and asked her if she would like to join us. She started to decline, but David interjected and said, "Are you sure? Because we would love for you to join us." And she did! She moved her baby in her highchair to our table and then brought herself and the rest of their gear. And she sat with us! I was amazed (still am, really). We talked while we waited for our food to arrive and continued to talk while we ate. It was a strange experience, but one I was glad to have had. Once we had all finished eating and paid our respective bills, she rose to leave. She thanked us for inviting her over and for the conversation. On the way home, David noted that it had been a little awkward having strangers eat dinner with us. "Yes, but not as awkward as it could have been," I said. "True. It was less awkward than if she and her baby had sat at the other table the whole time." "You're right," I told him. "It would have been stranger not to have them sitting with us because we still would have interacted with them through our babies, but the interaction would have been superficial and meaningless." Although it was so outside of my comfort zone to eat dinner with strangers, her "yes" gave me a bit of a boost outside of myself. And who knows. Maybe next time I'll have the courage to ask someone myself. Here's hoping they say "yes." I am picky when it comes to baby books. My criteria include pretty pictures (preferably real artwork) and a story or plot to follow. After all, I am the one who will be doing the reading, so I should be able to enjoy it, too, right? I purchased and requested books that I thought would entertain both of us. I hoped that by exposing Goen mainly to stories, he would not be interested in those simplistic animal sound and touchy-feely books (I have nothing against them other than that I find them boring). Although I like to think my plan is working, I'm beginning to realize that the books he likes to hear repeatedly are those with interesting sounds or motions associated with them (as you will see below). I don't mind so much reading books again and again. It encourages me to get creative and find ways to make it enjoyable for myself as well. Changing the rhythm or pace of the story helps a lot, as does moving the stressed word or syllable. Adding or changing voices for different characters challenges my brain a bit to keep track of who's who. And, for poetry or very rhythmic prose, singing the words can introduce even more variety. Even with all these methods, I still find myself getting bored of certain books after three or four times in one sitting. When that happens, I do my best to redirect his attention to a more neglected book, but it is amazing how persistent he can be when he really wants something. Here are the books we read on a regular basis (most of our collection, really). The Tallest Tree is one of my favorites. Goen was born in a cabin under the redwood trees and this book reminds me of that. It's a neat little poem that lends itself to a sing-song variation. Okay, so Fingers and Toes will not win any awards for originality, but I must admit that he likes this book. His favorite page is the one that points out the teeth. He has always liked his teeth and welcomes any excuse to touch them with his fingers. It's the motions in general that he prefers. Although Goen does not always have the patience to finish Giraffes Can't Dance, I have lots of fun reading it. There are different characters to talk for and have fun with. Whenever I read about the chimps doing the Cha-Cha I say it in a fun way and wiggle my shoulders. Goen copies the sound, saying "ta, ta, ta." There are times when this is as far as we get. I just try to go with the flow. This book, Five Black Cats, was a gift to Goen from my mom last October. It's a pretty straightforward rhyming book. His favorite page is where I hoot like an owl. He always copies the sound. One of his aunts gave him the book I Am a Bunny. The pictures, illustrations by Richard Scarry, are what I call whimsical realism (which I really like in kid books). One day my husband read it so many times in a row that Goen just started to laugh every time David started the book over again. In The Big Hungry Bear (another book with whimsical realism), his favorite page is when I read "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" in a deep voice and then make a sniffing sound when the narrator talks about the bear coming to find the red, ripe strawberry. It has gotten to the point where he expects it and will look up at me and sniff pages before it actually happens. Goen's favorite page in We're Going on a Bear Hunt is where the characters are walking through a snowstorm. I try to make the sound as storm-like as possible, like wind whistling in your ears. I often let him set the pace in books and turn pages when he wants. In this book, he likes to pause here. He will even turn the page and then immediately turn it back so that I will make the sound again. Sometimes he rushes to turn the pages so we get to this one sooner and then shuts it when he is done listening to me read this one page over and over. Duck & Goose Find a Pumpkin is another grandma present. This book, I think, led to him uttering his first word: no. Although he doesn't have a favorite page with this one, he likes to say "No" every time the characters in the book say it. A couple weeks ago I found Quack Like a Duck at the library and checked it out because Goen likes to pat the duck statues at the park and I figured he would like it. He ended up liking it so much that he has me read it several times in a row. It's probably because I do such an awesome job making animal sounds. I get a bit tired of it after two or three times, though. The Going to Bed Book is a fun, short book, which is a good thing since Goen often wants to hear it several times in a row. I always make a scrubbing motion on his tummy for the bath page and a brushing motion on his mouth for the toothbrushing page. It wasn't long before he started doing the motions, too (sometimes as soon as I start reading). A Color of His Own is another of my favorites. It has a cute story and beautiful artwork. Although Goen likes it well enough, he goes through periods when he won't let me read more than a few pages of it. This last book is one we both enjoy equally. Jamberry is a book of witty rhymes and fun pictures. It is easy to read over and over because there are so many different ways to do it. Sometimes I read it normally, other times I sing it, and still other times I read it as if I were a bear, growling all the r's. I bought Go, Dog. Go! because I remember reading it as a kid. It is shorter than the paper version, I think. Very short, in fact. It's another that Goen will sign "more" for as soon as I finish the last page. Unfortunately, there isn't much to do to mix it up, but it's short enough that I can get four or five readings in before I'm done with it. Goen enjoys all these books and more, but the the book he likes most of all, the one he screams for when he can't reach it, is the book I made for him for his first birthday. He loves to look at the pictures of himself and his mama and papa and other family. I'm glad of it, though, because it took so much time and effort. And I will always read it to him as many times as he wants.
What about you? Do you remember a favorite book from childhood? Does your little one have a book you must read over and over? What do you do to keep it interesting? Leave a comment to share. My one and only has become quite the talkative little fellow. His vocabulary now includes sounds I understand to mean hi, bye, hot, toast, raisin, and, of course, no. His favorite at the moment is "aii," which could mean "hi" or "bye" depending on whether he waves or not (he generally only waves for goodbye). He says "aii" whenever an opportunity presents itself. When he finds me in the kitchen after playing alone for a bit or when David gets home from work or when a stranger stops to admire him he will say "aii" at least once.
Yesterday, while we were at David's classroom helping him get things done, the janitor came in to sweep the floor. As soon as he came in, Goen said "aii" and the janitor smiled and said "hi" right back. But it did not stop there. Goen let out another "aii" to which the janitor replied "hello there." Then "aii" again, and "hi, how are you?" in reply. This went on until the janitor ran out of different things to say, at which point he just smiled and laughed and gave the occasional "hi" in return. I think it went on for about five minutes, the whole time the janitor was cleaning. Other times, such as when we were at the grocery store a few days ago, it can become a series of similar merry-go-round-esque encounters. A typical scene goes something like this: "Aii." "Well, hello." "Aii." "Aren't you cute." "Aii. Aii." A smile and a laugh. "Aii." "Hi." Then, to me, "He is adorable." "Aii. Aii." "Thank you." "Aii." "Hi. And you have beautiful eyes." "Aii." "Thanks. He got them from his papa." "He reminds me of my son. He just started college. It goes by so fast." I nod. "Aii. Aii. Aii." "Hi. I suppose it is a learning experience for me. I have never been good at engaging strangers in conversation. Now my son engages them for me. But we can't stay long in these "hi for an aii" encounters. There are so many moments to enjoy, and so little time in which to do it. No matter what method of diapering you use, there comes a point when the thing can hold no more. At night, the result, of course, is wet sheets and blankets. In a crib, this might not present much of an issue. Sharing a bed with a toddler, however, can result in an entire load of laundry (perhaps more if heavy blankets are involved). Although it doesn't happen often, it is a big hassle when it does. We have a mattress cover, but it's just more to wash when leaks occur. I started by using one of those flannel-backed rubber crib mats. I put it under the fitted sheet to help keep it in place, but it still tended to wrinkle and move. Not only did it make me sweat more, but I still had to deal with wet sheets in the middle of the night if a diaper leaked. I wanted something that would keep the mattress cover and fitted sheet from getting wet, something I could push aside and deal with in the morning, something that was easy to care for.
After a little research, I found a local store that sold organic wool puddle pads (they also have a website with an extensive selection of natural bedding and supplies). I bought the "Changer" size (22" x 31"), partly because of cost and partly because of ease of care. I took it home with me, happy as could be to have found a natural, local product. For placing it on the bed, I played with a couple options, but ended up laying it parallel to my pillow and down a few inches (right where Goen's bottom would be). Then I put a twin sheet folded in half over it so the itchy wool would not bother us. Now when there is a leak, all I have to do is fold the wool puddle pad and sheet in half and set it aside for morning when I put it outside in the direct sun for the day. It has been helpful several times for its intended purpose. I have not had problems with leaking through the wool, despite a few prolific pee nights. So it has met its other intended purpose: reducing my anxiety around ruining the mattress and having to do loads of laundry. For more information on the wool puddle pads, or to order one for yourself, you can go here. The brick and mortar stores are in San Rafael, California, and San Francisco. One thing that will become clear as I continue posting to my blog is that I love books. As a kid I always saw myself working with books, especially helping people find "the perfect book" for them to take home and enjoy. Every time my family went to Barnes & Noble, I would bring a huge stack of books to my parents and plead with them to let me take them all home. In college, I jumped at the chance to work in the campus bookstore and, even with all the grumbling over the cost of books, I genuinely loved those first weeks of school when everyone came in for textbooks. I spent hours perusing the shelves in a bookstore or library, browsing almost every section just to see what was new or interesting. Even when I didn't buy anything or check something out, I would leave feeling better about myself and the world in general. But that was all pre-baby. Now visits to bookstores are rare and somewhat hurried. And I try to reserve all my library books onliine so all I have to do is pick them up after story time and go. Although finding enjoyable books this way is more difficult, I have succeeded for the most part. In fact, there are some books I have found and read that I never would have by just visiting the library. One such book is Life Among the Savages by Shirley Jackson, which I recommend for mothers (or mothers-to-be) as a little light reading. It is a fast-paced (it is about a mother after all) recounting of the author's life with children. It is not so much a book about having children as it is about experiencing children, in all their moods and goofiness. Although published in 1953, the experiences Jackson relates are as relevant as ever. Parts of it seem a bit exaggerated, but overall I couldn't help but laugh at her on-the-nose account of modern motherhood (Shopping in a department store with children? What a farce that is!). Jackson goes into great detail about her interactions with her children (such as the play her kids and their friends put on after five minutes of preparation) or watching them play (her four-year-old had enough imaginary friends to fill a large house). Although there is a sequel, called Raising Demons, I had a difficult time getting into it. It strayed from the central focus of a mother and kids to family life in general (at least the first quarter did, but that is when I had to put it down). But definitely check out Life Among the Savages if you need a little light reading. I enjoyed it immensely. “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life A Friday ritual adopted from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see. |
Carley Biblin
Hi. My name is Carley. I love to sew, craft, and create. As a Jane-of all-crafts so to speak, I enjoy sewing, writing, cooking, drawing, photographing. But the constant thread (if you'll excuse the pun) throughout my weeks is needle arts. Archives
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