Although it did not bring me to a decision, I found it to be a good starting point in assessing whether our values, aspirations, and living situation are conducive to one or more and whether it is something I truly want for myself. But one book cannot provide all the information and answers I am looking for. Next on my list from the library is Beyond One by Jennifer Bingham Hull. And if any of you have other book suggestions or experience-based advice, I welcome it. For, if a 2 1/2 year spacing is as perfect as it is made out, we're running out of time to decide.
Lately I have been asking myself several questions. One? More? Can I handle another? Can we handle another? Will I ever be able to sleep with another? Is that something I want? And on and on. It got to the point where there were too many questions to keep track of and not enough time to do the research online to make an informed decision. Cue a random trip to Barnes & Noble where I chanced upon the book One and Only by Lauren Sandler. As soon as I got home, I reserved the book at my library and picked it up a few days later. Although a bit one-sided, it is full of helpful information for anyone trying to decide if one really is the loneliest number. As an only child herself, Sandler discusses what it is like to be and have an only child. She is overt in her attempt to convince the reader that one child is optimal and, contrary to popular mythology, is not a punishment worse than death for the child or the parents. Financial constraints, extended family support, and environmental impact are just a few of the topics she covers. The research and resources she included helped me realize what kind of family we would need to be in order to have more than one (should we make that decision) without ending up poor and unhappy. In other words, we would need to be thrifty (check), have lots of family close by (hmmm, I'll give this one a half check), and reduce our carbon footprint (we're already working on it).
Although it did not bring me to a decision, I found it to be a good starting point in assessing whether our values, aspirations, and living situation are conducive to one or more and whether it is something I truly want for myself. But one book cannot provide all the information and answers I am looking for. Next on my list from the library is Beyond One by Jennifer Bingham Hull. And if any of you have other book suggestions or experience-based advice, I welcome it. For, if a 2 1/2 year spacing is as perfect as it is made out, we're running out of time to decide.
5 Comments
Mom
9/17/2014 04:40:55 am
As a mother to many children I can say that it has been a choice that I have not regretted for one second. Though society seems to discourage large families I feel it is an individual choice and whatever that choice it should not be discounted!!
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Carley Biblin
9/18/2014 03:55:20 pm
Yes, society is such a forceful presence in this kind of decision, whether we like it or not. What I want for myself may be different from what my friends and neighbors expect from me, but I still have to live around them and perhaps deal with their disapproval. That's why I'm looking for different perspectives from books (like the one trying to convince me that one child is "best" or the one proclaiming that eight is the most "joyful") and other moms. I want to be proud of my decision and know that there are people in my life that support me in it. Thanks for your perspective, mom.
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Oh MAN it's a hard decision, especially because once you decide you can't ever go BACK. I love my kiddos, they love each other, but there's no denying it's a lot of work, and a lot more of my life devoted to them and their needs instead of other things. I wouldn't say 2 1/2 years is the ideal spacing though. Libby and Julianna are 21 months apart and there are advantages and disadvantages to their spacing. If we have more we will most likely have a 3-5 year spacing.
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Carley Biblin
9/18/2014 03:42:38 pm
I think you just summed up my main concerns: you can't go back if you decide you don't like it and less time for yourself and each kid. And I agree with your last thought about having to do our best with what (or whom) we have. Thanks for your comments.
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Carley Biblin
Hi. My name is Carley. I love to sew, craft, and create. As a Jane-of all-crafts so to speak, I enjoy sewing, writing, cooking, drawing, photographing. But the constant thread (if you'll excuse the pun) throughout my weeks is needle arts. Archives
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